It's been a hard process. It seems though that this time around it's been a little easier. I've had some good experiences and some learning experiences.
I broke up with Nate about a month ago. Breaking up with someone is usually something that would effect someone's weight gain or loss. For me, it was completely different. That relationship really showed me what I wanted in myself and for my future. His family was overweight. They ate like crap. When they felt like eating something healthy, it was a salad doused in thick ranch, which defeats the whole purpose of the salad. Because they were overweight they couldn't move much. The boys did, but his mom and sister would just sit there, crochet and gossip. While going on a camping trip with them, the boys left to go turkey hunting and the girls stayed at camp, crocheting. I wanted to go out and explore. That's the whole purpose of going out in nature. So, I did. Well this didn't sit too well with his mom and sister. They thought that I went because I didn't like them. They created a lot of drama. Then I was expected to fix it every time. They didn't save or spend money wisely. They were constantly stressed out about it and trying to borrow from each other. They were too dependent on each other for every thing. I went back on my anxiety medications while dating him. My depression and anxiety skyrocketed. His whole family is on medication. They get medication for everything. While I know that medications are a gift and can really help, I don't think they are the first solution to problems.
Dating Nate made me realize that that kind of lifestyle is not what I want.
I know what I want now.
1. Fit and healthy to:
a. play with my future children
b. go on hikes
c. try new sports
d. have no excuses to physically hold myself back
e. have a healthy way to combat my depression
f. feel confident in myself
g. have energy
h. and so many more reasons
2. Take all responsibility for my actions and not put blame on others or my situation
3. To be closer to God, apply the atonement and lessons I've learned from my mistakes, and to teach my future children to give them the opportunity of the Gospel.
4. To be financially responsible, prepare for emergencies and to pay tithing.
5. Be less materialistic.
6. Finish my education to be able to have a career that I will enjoy.
7. To not Gossip and be kind to those around me.
8. To not complain about everything.
9. To not take advantage of the things people offer, their money, or their things.
10. To be an independent person with healthy relationships.
The list could seriously go on and on.
My eyes were opened to a better way of life. Since I've broken up with him I've had no guilt about trying to be physically better. I've gone off of my medication and been a lot happier. I've been more connected to God and have enjoyed life a lot more.
I know that dating Nate wasn't the best idea, but I learned a lot and I'm going to take those lessons and apply them, because my life isn't just about me, but taking care of me to become my best self will help not just me but everyone around me. And I am really excited for this journey.
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